Monday, January 19, 2004
This holiday weekend is a hard one for me.... this weekend last year isn't one of the most memorable ones and just thinking about it hurts... I did my best to keep busy but still my mind would wander and I would merely work a little harder on some meaningless task.... I sure thought by this time this year things would be alot different... I thought by now I would be pg or even holding a newborn but I guess it just wasn't meant to be.... Those are supposed to be comforting words but man they sting... Wasn't meant to be doesn't make it any easier to accept... I still want another baby - maybe 2 but of course that's not in the IMMEDIATE future... First I need to heal - something I thought I was well on the way to but when I really think about it I have merely begun to heal and to be honest as much as my marriage was dead, I haven't fully mourned it yet.... Of course I don't think I have fully mourned Emily Elizabeth either.... But I am slowly working thru it all - I have left little angels out here and there as I packed away the holiday items... Little reminders yet trinkets of comfort to protect us... Things fully hit me Friday when I took the boys for their check ups and the office manager at the doctors office asked me about the baby.... While I am able to talk and joke inside it still really hurts... I held the boys a little closer this weekend - cuddled more with my current "baby" and tried to just keep busy.... Baby steps....
I also started on a journey to improve ME - I have my PILATES for Dummies tapes and a new set of weights, exercise bands and an excerise ball (THANK YOU Mare for the KMart gift card and KMart for it's sale on exercise items!).... I will be journaling about my journey mostly to keep me on track - tomorrow I weigh myself and will start from there - I am using a little of Weight Watchers and a little of Dr Phil and a little plain, old common sense....
The van is still dead - won't be ready til sometime later this week - it's the head gasket from what they said..... THEN on top of bad news is that warranty only covers $50/hr and repair shop charges $65 - guess who pays the difference???? ARRRGGGGGG I will be calling the warranty co as soon as they open Monday (or with my luck Tues since Mon is a holiday!!) Something about that little bit of info and the fact that the repair shop needs payment in full from either me or the warranty company before they can release my van doesn't sit right - I mean shouldn't they just accept what the warranty company pays if they agree to accept the work via the warranty company?? And if the warranty company agrees to pay X amount BEFORE the work is started (they need approval to start the work) then that's guaranteed $$ for them so why wouldn't my deductible/co-pay be all I need to pay to get my vehicle??? Who knows..... I am gonna be asking those questions for sure....
Well I am gonna finish up my charts and such here and try to just veg for a bit - I am really getting tired of working nights - it was so hard for me to get motivated to come in tonight - 7 days out of here seems to fly by so fast anymore - then again I was very busy this past week with the house..... Til next time....
I also started on a journey to improve ME - I have my PILATES for Dummies tapes and a new set of weights, exercise bands and an excerise ball (THANK YOU Mare for the KMart gift card and KMart for it's sale on exercise items!).... I will be journaling about my journey mostly to keep me on track - tomorrow I weigh myself and will start from there - I am using a little of Weight Watchers and a little of Dr Phil and a little plain, old common sense....
The van is still dead - won't be ready til sometime later this week - it's the head gasket from what they said..... THEN on top of bad news is that warranty only covers $50/hr and repair shop charges $65 - guess who pays the difference???? ARRRGGGGGG I will be calling the warranty co as soon as they open Monday (or with my luck Tues since Mon is a holiday!!) Something about that little bit of info and the fact that the repair shop needs payment in full from either me or the warranty company before they can release my van doesn't sit right - I mean shouldn't they just accept what the warranty company pays if they agree to accept the work via the warranty company?? And if the warranty company agrees to pay X amount BEFORE the work is started (they need approval to start the work) then that's guaranteed $$ for them so why wouldn't my deductible/co-pay be all I need to pay to get my vehicle??? Who knows..... I am gonna be asking those questions for sure....
Well I am gonna finish up my charts and such here and try to just veg for a bit - I am really getting tired of working nights - it was so hard for me to get motivated to come in tonight - 7 days out of here seems to fly by so fast anymore - then again I was very busy this past week with the house..... Til next time....
